Independence

Pride in our ability to care  do for our selves seems almost innate in Americans. I am fortunate to be at a point where I am watching my children gain independence. The less fortunate side of me is watching my parents lose theirs and the struggle they face in accepting.

The cycle of human existence is one of progression from dependence to independence followed by some regression back to a certain level of dependence for most of us. We are lucky to have that time of independence. We cling to it. Certain gifts are hard to let go of.

When we can't let go, we cling. Buddha warned against the dangers of attachment. What gives us our sense of self can not be tied to abilities, possessions, etc. We are who we are by our existence. That is the gift of humanity, sentience. As long as I have "I", I have it all.

Accepting the conditions of my "I" is grace.

Fatherhood

After some delay, it is about time to get to the root of this blog. It is from the perspective of a father. My children know that and so it is a dicey proposition to lay out anything about my experience as the balcony is ready to shout, "Bullshit!"

I am not a perfect father. At times I can take on the role of asshole with the glow of a 1 karat diamond. Other times, I can be as far away as Everest, when I need to be closer. So, I won't claim anything beyond the following.

My role is to believe in the ability of my children and never stop. To support them when they feel doubt. I think that is the key to all parenting, you know at times your children will be wrong, will falter, will make mistakes. Your job, as a parent, is to never give up and believe in your children and their immense potential.

Need vs want

I have talked many times with people who are more extroverted in the Myers-Briggs domains.

One observation not meant to be declare positive or negative is the following. The extrovert needs relationships and interaction. The introvert needs alone time. The extrovert may occasionally want alone time. The introvert may occasionally want social time.

The difference in the two understanding each other is the want versus need. We all have needs. We view them as essential to live. Hence, Maslow's Hierachy of Needs. Wants are things we desire and can currently exist without. Needs are vital to our existence. So one needs people and the other has needs to be alone. The other has wants for alone time and the other had wants for social interaction.


In relationships the difference is akin to the fish needing water and the human needing air. They can work together to achieve each other's goals. It will require tremendous understanding.

Awe

Tonight, I went to let to the dogs outside to relieve themselves. As always, my first gaze upon opening the door is skyward.

The view of the sky is always awe inspiring. Tonight the sky was a beautiful contrast of spots of clouds interspersed with open sky.

Similarly, I watched the final episode of Master Cher, where one of the competitors was a blind chef. She referenced how she viewed cooking and delivered dishes that honored her traditions. Everyone has been awed by her performance.

The key is that we have to be open to experience awe. To experience the old as new. To be awed, we must be open to reframing the past.

My back pages

I was so much older then I am younger than that now - Bob Dylan

Is this merely Dylan being cryptic or is there a message in the song My Back Pages for us all?

Older then, for me, refers to a false belief that I really knew good from bad, right from wrong with certainty. Younger now, refers to the fact as I age I am more open to other views and the fact there are many differing opinions of right and wrong, simply based on my point of view.

Fundamentally, we only know what we know. We don't know what we don't. Therefore, in the parlance of by Buddhist friends, we should try to adopt a "not knowing" view of the world. To listen and experience completely with all our presence and attention, we must disregard all we know in order to be open to enlightment. So it is not what you know that influences your view, it is what you are capable of "not knowing".

Readiness

Watched a marathon of Teen Mom on MTV. Regardless of why teen pregnancy happens, the common theme post delivery for all the failed relationships is one of readiness. Everyone believes they are ready for the choice they make. Many are not. In judging the situation, our bias is based towards the current state. Well, we are all getting along just fine, so when we add this new child we will be just fine. Well, as every investment portfolio state, past performance can not predict future results. Life is not about the present, it is about our ability to self-assess more than the future or anything else. What I could to now or next week matters far less than what we can accept now and sustain in the future. All of us can handle change for a week. What about handling a disruption entering our life next week and being present for an unknown time? That is what readiness is about. What we are prepared for and can sustain. The odds are for things that surprise us, we can not sustain.

Catching up

So the daily writing by the wayside. Two weeks of political conventions just left me overwhelmed at all the magnificence of country. I wish. The political scene in the US is about beautiful and sophisticated as the feeling you get stepping in dog shit. Been thinking about better things. Children maturing and returning home with new experiences. Also, still returning home and appreciating the old ones. It is real challenge to not fall in love with the "new" and still care for "old" relationships in our lives. No doubt the divorce rate reflects this difficulty. New relationships are very much like "falling in love" versus loving. Falling in love is very much about the newness of the experience of another. Loving is caring for another after all the new is gone and is replaced by a deep commitment. Both are good experiences and should be a progression to the best relationships in our lives. The other relationships where it does not happen, are hard on all of us. Disappointment, anger, or sorrow await the transition from "in" to "out" of love. While these negative emotions may seem justified at the person we fall out of love with, it seems a little wrong to feel that way towards the other person. They did not change. Our perception of him/her did as the experience went from new to old.